I saw the Supes yesterday, and I gotta say, my favorite part of the whole movie was looking at my new boyfriend, Brandon Routh, and feeling very satisfied that my $11.75 was supes well spent. I mean, come on!!! And Susan, if you think he's going to like you just because your smart and plucky like Lois Lane, you're seriously disturbed. He likes curvy German girls with husbands.

You already know who Matt Vogel is.

But did you know that his new album dropped today?

Did you know that we sang a little backup on said album?

Check it out!!

We're supes proud of you, Matty! I'm gonna buy a stack for my neecees and nevvies!!

Two of our favorite bloggers are supes fancy in tomorrow's New York Times!!! Check it out!

Congratulations to David and Patrick (and their two new competitors Aaron and Christopher) on gracing the gray lady. We look forward to 2007's race!!

on tosser Benjamin Howes' big opening! Our very own BH will be rocking the Old Globe Band Wagon style when he opens in Dancing in the Dark tonight!

Your [tos] family is supes proud of you in your big fancy show with fancy people! Word.

Break a Leg!

Our gal Susan just finished an outstanding run of Speech & Debate at the kick ass Roundabout Underground. She rocked it hard in a great new American play and we are supes proud. These folks did a good jorb and the play was writ good by this cat. (PS word to Walter McBride @ broadwayworld.com for the pix) Susan we love you and we your [tos] family are so very,very proud. So is this guy. (I think on some level, we all knew what that pop-up was going to be.)

A gigantic congrats to [title of show] superstar HEIDI BLICKENSTAFF who took home the Best Lead Actress in a Musical Helen Hayes Award for her turn in Meet John Doe at the Ford Theatre! We're supes proud!

Also our rock star set designer NEIL PATEL took home the Helen Hayes for Outstanding Set Design for his work on Dead Man's Cell Phone.

So happy to get back into the creative arena of [tos] with these 2 amazing people! Wheeeeeee!

I can't believe today is the last day. Like Hunter, I have so many emotions running amuck in me. Who knows what [title of show]'s next step will be, but one thing is pretty certain - it won't be at the Vineyard. We've had the most amazing time at our home away from home. Do you guys know that when we were dreaming of the dreamiest place for [title of show], we all had the Vineyard at the top of all our dream lists? We never thought we would actually get to do our play there... And then we squeezed our little golden pony, and it pooped out our dreamiest wish. That golden pony is awesome. You have to get one.

It's been our honor being at the Vineyard Theatre. As we come to our last 2 shows today, I feel hopeful that our show will have another life (see Larry's beautiful blog below), but it won't be nestled in our mamma Vineyard's breast. I have loved every second there and all the amazing Vine-nerds that took such good care of us and our show. We really love you guys and we will miss you so much.

Just a little something to share. Si vous pensez que [titre d'exposition] n'existe que aux etats unis...you'd be wrong! (Please excuse my weak french...il passe longtemps que je parles and I don't think I used the right tense of parler just then either! Ugh!) Anyhoo, tosser Lionel who is supes cute and lives in Canada,eh likes [tos] and shared this. I enjoy and rock many a DVD evening with Flight of the Conchords and laugh.

By the way I want the film version of Mama Mia! to look exactly like the ending of this video. That would rock.

lord have mercy on our souls! So [tos] has a fun project. We are featured in the upcoming Actors Fund Benefit on Monday Oct.16th of "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" We had play practice today and it was supes fun. Lars, Heids, Sus, Huns, and Jeffs were kicking four part harms with lars rocking the accordian. Our bud Seth Rudestky is putting this whole bad boy together. Seth is pretty amazing. Not only is he way funny, but his work to raise money and put these events together is mindblowing. We are so honored to get to be in it with so many Broadway fancies, Choreographer and cutie Denis Jones has us twirling the flashlights and doing some moves. We had to get together and practice after school so we don't suck. Anyway full report to come about our experience but just had to give a taste. Spotted at rehearsal today. Constantine from Idol, Bob Martin and Roxanne Barlow...all the biggies people!

Side note...get your tix for Seth's Broadway 101 show on November 6th if you're in or near the city...this will be a big night and you guys don't want to miss it. It gets the [tos] seal of goodhousekeeping.

Time for bed...Whorehouse in the morning.

Word.

So it's a big day for our tosser Larry as his musical The Angle of the Sun opens tonight here in New York City!

Congrats Lars! We are supes proud of you and celebrate your accomplishments! If you're in the hood, get them tickets quick for Larry's big show, that bad by will sell out!

It's also the opening night for our pals and alma mater NYMF! Happy first day of NYMF. Support the NYMF, if it weren't for them where would this guy be? Also pick up a NYMF program for a sassy intro by yours truly Jeff and Hunter. We were honored to say a few words. And by a few, I think they made us cut out like 150 words to fit on the page. We have a lot to say. But it was cool to get a chance to do that. Happy NYMF.

Uh oh gotta run! Mo'Nique is on TV doing comedy in a woman's prison. Pop the corn.

Break a Leg Larry!

Tonight, I went to see Penny Fuller (incomparable actress, devoted mother and 9-time SuperTosser) in SOUTHERN COMFORTS at Primary Stages. I thought Penny and Larry Keith were delightful, and Kathleen Clark's script gave this married lady plenty to think about. Afterwards, we got to hang out at the 59E59 cafe with all of the aforementioned. It was supes-fun to hear Larry Keith talk about appearing in the original production of MY FAIR LADY and to hear Penny's story about sending a chain letter to Stephen Sondheim. Good times, good times.

Somewhere in the course of the evening, playwright Kathleen Clark put it together that I was in [title of show] and that her 14-year-old daughter Lizzie was an avid [tos] fan. Turns out Lizzie doesn't have school tomorrow and was hosting a little sleepover with some musical-theatre-loving friends. So, just for fun, we called Lizzie. Amazingly, I think she and her friends had just been listening to/discussing [tos] when we called. From her screams, I discerned that it blew her mind that I was calling her. It also blew my mind that I was blowing her mind. Since when do I blow the mind of any 14-year-old girl anywhere?

Weird. Fun. Weirdly fun. Funly weird.

So, I want to give one more shout-out to Lizzie Frankel and her musical-theatre-loving pals in NJ! I hope you guys have a kick-ass slumber party* and that we see you again soon!

*Don't forget to do the shaving-cream-in-the-hand-tickle-the-nose-of-the-first-sleeper game...Or the hand-in-warm-water-til-they-pee game...Or light-as-a-feather-stiff-as-a-board...and please, for the love of god, eat lots of Chex Mix while you're at it.

Have fun, ladies! Don't stay up too late...

This just in from Florida!

From: Eric
To: fan@titleofshow.com
Subject: Dreyfoos Fan!

Hey Guys, and Gals,

Just wanted to say again that your show was amazing and is now my favorite musical of all time! I attatched a picture of Susan and I. I hope we will get to do your show for our school, I think that would be amazing. We're already planning songs to do for the Thespian festival. It was great to meet all of you and I hope to meet you again!

Eric

Dear Eric:

Thanks for the picture...it was awesome to meet you and your crew from Florida!

As we speak, Hunter and Jeff are hard at work on a version of [TOS] that won't get your teachers fired (much). I look forward to seeing you in my role...you are going to be a-MAH-zing. Stay tuned for details...

*********************

From: Charlie
To: fan@titleofshow.com
Subject: One of the Nine

Hey Genii (that's plural for genius):

I just saw you guys for a second time tonight. I can't tell you how fucking tingly it makes me feel to experience your show. I bought the cd after my friend Allen took me to see you guys for my birthday and have been listening to it non-stop (are a lot of faggots doing cardio to y'all? 'Cuz I am). I was tersely asked this afternoon to please stop singing "Dude, I Got Tu Go Disco". Also, I'm not allowed to call Allen's machine and say "Quelle genre de fille est Susan" and hang up.

I'm dorky at fan letters and I never send them. The last time I did, was to tell Jana Schneider how disappointed I was that she didn't win a Tony for "Drood," so... But if I didn't thank you guys for what you've made me feel, I'd be even dorkier. Please, consider me one of the nine (although, I suspect there are waaaay more than nine by now).

Charlie

Dear Charlie:

We've got a couple of things in common:

The show makes me tingly, too.

In my pants.

(Hi, Mom!)

Also, I'm not allowed to call Heidi's machine and say "Quelle genre de fille est Susan" and hang up any more, either. (What kind of wet-blanket bullshit is that? Allen and Heidi need to STEP. OFF.)

But seriously, thanks for your email, Charlie. That was supes sweets and funs!

*********************

On a different tip, I can't bring myself to write about the closing of the show yet. Too sad to speak of it...

More soon,
Sb

Well tossers. Jeffy and I were where all of NY was on monday night...we rocked some Follies. That shit was supes fun. Our dates were B'way stars Todd Buonopane and Barrett Foa, and Broadway radio host Brittany Brown. Jeff started off the evening with a rousing game of, "Name a Song cut from Follies." We were off to a good start.

Let's start with a huge hooray for Casey Nicholaw. Good jorb CN! he rocked us hard on Drowsy..now this?!?!? Crazy crazy talent. I am thankful he is part of it all to tell stories. Victoria Clark...she s crazy good...and even though there used to be a [tos] joke about Donna Murphy...she can f'ing act and sing. I just want her to keep it in the chest voice...but she rocked too. One More Kiss with Lucine Amara and Leena Chopra was beautiful and much better than when I tried to sing it in a college voice lesson and juries. One for the "what was I thinking" pile. That leads to the second game at pre Follies dinner which was, "What Did You Sing to Get into your College Theatre Program?" I sang "If You Could See Her" and something from Big River...range people ....I gave you range. E-mail us what you sang at your college audition and we will print our favs.

The other half of the [tos] family was cheering on tosser Courtney B at her show. I will let those who attended blog on that, but word on the street is that she was amazing in her skit. The two groups met for post show times, having a blast, and missing Heidi as well. Hi Heidi!

Shout out to all the kick ass [tos] fans who gave love to Jeff and me at Follies last night. We like seeing you guys and knowing ya'll rock the OCR and keep on truckin' with our show.

Also spotted in the crowd, Jeff Whitty...word. Michael Riedel, Nathan Lane, and Jeff Bowen.

Oh and I almost forgot...props to tos lighting guru K Billington. And did you guys spot the Side Show dresses in Follies. That show had everything!

Finally a tos welcome to my newest family member Amber Lindsey Wells, daughter to rockstar parent John and my cousin Lindsey. Note: Lindsey was in "A Puzzling Obsession" for you hardcore [tos] fans! Congrats to the proud parents! And here's to the next generation of Bell Players!

This just in:

Hi!

I am a huge fan of [tos] and was listening to the album while painting my apartment today... and I realized that there is one lyric which I don't understand... so I thought I'd ask.

In "Part of it All" what is the lyric immediately following "Part of Lunch with Bernadette" Part of: ???? I am saying "a cocoa marmosette" which I'm pretty sure is wrong, but I can NOT figure it out... and that's what it sounds like... take another listen.

So, if you'd let me know at your convenience, that'd be swell. Otherwise, I will be singing "part of lunch with Bernadett, part of a
cocoa marmosette" until the end of time.

Thanks! Love the show!!

Nellie

ps. if Susan ever sees this, we both used to go to colleen's yoga class on sundays downtown!! wierd!

Dear Nellie:

Hi! Thanks for your fabulous email. I love little lyrical mysteries like this. When I was in 7th grade, there were a few John Cougar Mellencamp songs that I listened to over and over and over and over again to figure out the lyrics. John Cougar will slur a lyric, people. And this was pre-Internet, so if the lyrics weren't printed on the record (that's right, kids: RECORD) sleeve, you were f'ed. I was supes proud of myself when I figured out the following (bolded) lyrics to Jack & Diane:

A little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two American kids growin' up in the heartland
Jackie's gonna be a football star
Diane's debutante in the backseat of Jackie's car

And I still couldn't figure out these (bolded) lyrics last week. Honestly:

Theres a black man with a black cat
Living in a black neighbourhood
Hes got an interstate runnin through his front yard
You know, he think, that hes got it so good
And theres a woman in the kitchen cleanin up the evening slop
And he looks at her and says: hey darling, I can remember when you could stop a clock

Listen to Little Pink Houses again. It sounds like he's saying "starve a flower". But what sense does that make? Almost as much sense as "a cocoa marmosette".

(Speaking of Little Pink Houses, does anyone remember that contest where Mtv gave away that pink house? And John Cougar Mellencamp was all, "we're gonna paint the mother pank"? Anyone? No one?)

So, in answer to your question, Nellie, the lyric is "a coat of marmoset". Cause Hunter's been wanting a coat made out of these for a long time. We were trying to obscure the lyric so PETA doesn't protest our next appearance. I guess the marmosets out of the bag now.

And as for that yoga class...I need to get my butt back in there. I remember that I used to see this guy in that same class. Then he came to see [title of show] and I was all: "I recognize you, dude. But I'm used to seeing you upside down and through my legs". Which sounded filthy. But accurate.

Finally, here's an extremely well-organized web site on the subject of mondegreens.

(Mondegreens, huh? That's a pretty fancy work for the blog, huh?)

So you might have read that we here at the tos camp have been cooking up some new fun...

in the grey lady...

...on bway.com...

...on the ole playbill site...

the domain of broadwayworld...

and our pals at theater with an er mania...

Firstly we are grateful folks are spreadin' the word. In this table flipping, sex tape dropping day and age, it is nice to get some coverage for creating a new piece. (Heidi & Susan...still waiting on that sex tape!)

"So what is this new piece?"

Well, what we can tell you at this point is that we have loved our collaboration together and are thrilled about making something new and that we intend for it to be awesome as opposed to n'awesome. We workshopped a version of the show at the "Shaquille" O'Neill center, liked it and wanted to keep on keeping on.

"Is it a sequel to [title of show]?"

As much as we love Bring Back Birdie and Whorehouse Goes Public, and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo it is not a sequel.

"Is that all you can tell us, Hunter?"

Well, I can also tell you that hopefully it will rock you and entertain you and make you feel all kinds of delicious feelings. Now quit asking me questions and let Susan and I get back to creating.

I will add that we are so very thrilled and moved to be able to return to the mightiness that is the Vineyard Theatre. That building and the people that make theatre in that building are simply the best. They are the real deal and we are lucky to have a playground to play. That said, if you heart us (and you better or we will find you and we will sit and watch Wipeout together until we're friends) and want to see our new shenanigans the bestest way to secure a chance to see the Vineyard Lab is to rock a membership to the Vineyard. You can do that by clicking:

HERE TO BE THE COOLEST CUTTING EDGE NERD IN TOWN

If you are po but proud, we suggest the theatre artist membership or Under 30, which ain't a bad deal.

We are supes exciting to be together and creating again. We hope you guys are excited too.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

That's right. I said it. And I meant it.

Tonight, Jeff Bowen and I made our Broadway debut. It absolutely, positively defied any expectations I might have had. Actually, I didn't really have any expectations. I hoped to get all my lines out in the correct order. I hoped to remember my dance steps. I hoped that I would properly execute all my directives from Michael Berresse. Then something crazy happened....

The show started.

When Larry stepped out onstage, the crowd went nuts. Really nuts. Like, apeshit nuts.

Then things calmed down a little bit.

Then Hunter and Jeff appeared on stage, and the crowd went nuts again.

Then they calmed down a little bit.

Then, when Heidi and I came onstage, the nuttiness ensued again.

Now, I realize that tonight was a very special, highly irregular night because a lot of our SuperTossers were there (WORD TO YOU, SUPERTOSSERS!!) It was such a vibrant, heightened night! Performing for that audience was like surfing on a tasty ocean of SuperTosser waves! So delicious.

So, we did the show. My biggest mistake: I took too long saying one of my lines in Die Vampire Die, and fucked Jeff Bowen, who jumped in enthusiastically with his response solo ("Tell us, Susan!!"). Sorry about that, Jeff...I ran out of breath...I'll try to tighten that up in the future. I didn't mean to skunk you during your Broadway debut.

After the show, we got to see some really fancy people. Seth Rudetsky and James Wesley and Brian D'Arcy James and Donna Murphy and Nancy Opel and Stephanie Block were crammed into our low-budge little green room. It was f'ing crazy.

Then....

Our Company Manager came in and told us that we had to go meet our public immediately or else the police were going to come. I didnt know what he meant.

This is what he meant...

Again, I say:

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

I kissed a lot of hands and shook a lot of babies. It was nuts. A nice lady made me a monkey in a [tos] onesie (it's the cutest f'in thing ever). I liked seeing a lot of tossers rocking the duct tape and home-made [tos] gear!! I expecially enjoyed seeing parents there with their progeny. That rocked me. Good work, open-minded parents!

I don't think it will always be this loop-dee-loo. But it sure was fun to feel supes special for one glorious Broadway debut night.

Thank you to everyone who came out to cheer us on. Your participation in tonight's events defies my descriptive powers. It was truly magical. I think the thing that made it most special is that I got to experience it with my best friends in the whole world. And I will never, ever forget it.

Thank you to everyone who was there...


(Special thanks for John K for making us this video, proving the whole thing was not a dream...)

Only really time for sleeping, composing and emailing Broadway fancies to see if they're available to participate in the ten thousand events we have coming up in the next month. First up is the opening number to the Easter Bonnet Competition. Christopher Gattelli is directing the piece with Hunter and I writing - maybe we'll be in it, too. Larry Pressgrove will be conducting the orchestra as they blast out the festivities. Superstar Connor Gallagher will be assisting all of us and it'll be stage managed by the incomparable Tom Reynolds. -- That's a subliminal hint for Tom to bring us treats. mmm gooey.

In other news, me, Larry, Susan and Hunter loaded up in Michael's sports wagon (thanks, EmBee!) and took off for DC this past weekend to see our baby sister rockin' out the Meet John Doe at the Ford's Theatre in Washington. On our way there, we stopped off at my mom's house in Baldeemore, Merland for some crab cakes and fruit salad. She made Easter baskets for all of us and we ate lots of chocolate things as we continued on to DeeCee. Heidi has a swanky apartment down there. We had slumber parties and we went to see the show on Saturday night. Please note that we sat a whole 20 feet away from this. Talk about living in a history book. Heidi says sometimes she'll look up there to see if she sees Lincoln's ghost. She says she hasn't seen it yet, but strangely enough she has seen this ghost. Brrrr. Anywaah, Heidi was supes awesome in her show. All of us enjoyed it a lot. *** Spoiler Alert *** a spike mark near the edge of the stage that i could see from the balcony kind of ruined the ending for me *** end spoiler alert *** But the show was great and holy crap I was crazy proud of our Heidi. She's a star.

We all rode back in the car together and told stories - including everyone's "first kiss" story. Those are private so you'll have to wait until your a roadie with us before we can let you in on those delicious tales.

In other news, we got a fan letter from another awesome Heidi and she writes:

... a little part of me wants to get a shout-out on the blog... Is that even possible?I hate to sound like some rascal kid calling in to a radio-station to get a "shout out on the air", but it is what it is...I'm a little jealous of all these [tos] fans. I keep reading on the blogs about [tosser] Joe, [tosser] Sally, and [tosser] Whatchamacallit-from-small-town-kentucky-who-loves-a-good-[tos]-quote.

Heidi, I dont' recall us mentioning the tosser from Kentucky; I'll have to do a search for that. Your email was amazing and now you've officially been shout-outed.

Heidi's fanmail is a perfect example of one of our staples in collaboration: We at [title of show] pride ourselves on honest communication. We always say that you should ask for what you want. You may not get it, but sometimes you may. Larry just this weekend asked if he could get a club soda with a splash of cranberry and a lime wedge, but instead he got a club soda with grapefruit juice and no lime wedge. He didn't get what he wanted, BUT coincidentally that happened to be Susan favorite drink - so he gave it to her and everybody wins ... well except for Larry. But the point is to ask for what you want.

Hunter and I have been eating our way through NY state. Here's our Autumn 2006 fine dining report.

As mentioned in my previous blog, I was fortunate enough to get a small-but-yum-yum role in an upcoming Hilary Swank movie called PS I LOVE YOU. To add gravy on top of icing on top of sponge cake, the kick-ass director and his lovely wife treated us to a wonderful dinner at Ouest. We got to sit in one of those pretty red banquettes...it's like you're in your own little world. A world where they bring you smoked trout and panne cotta with passion fruit puree and all the diet Coke you can drink and Kathy Bates is a few table over. It's a good world.

I'd like to thank Richard, Ann and Lily for making my fine dining dreams come true. We had so much fun. Thank you again.

************************

In other gastronomic news, Hunter and I appeared at DONT QUIT YOUR NIGHT JOB 5: THE RECKONING. The fine people behind DQYNJ axed us if we wanted to do some improv, but I'm not an improv kind of girl (improv makes me want to poop in my pants. I need more preparation and control than that). So, we axed them if they'd like us to do something that we had prepared...something real serious and classy. They fell for it and said yes. We presented them with Mouth Magic. (Thanks to Craig Brockman at BroadwayWorld.com for the photo) Then we proceeded to prepare and eat food out of each other's mouths. Totes-nummers.

[title of show]. Bringing class to the Broadway community since Never.

Then, Stephen Lynch sang two songs, which were supes-funny.


This picture was taken around 2am. Look deeply into my face and you shall see: that is really TOO late for this old lady to be awake.


************************

Next, Hunter and I hit the highway to visit our friend Craig. Craig is a pastry chef who lives in a secret location where only beautiful things happen. You may recall Craig...he was the one who made the treats for our Off-Bway opening night. Last night, he made us a boeuf bourgogne that was boeuf-tastic. During our visit, Hunter and I ate our weight in chocolate banana bread, chocolate carrot cake and pumpkin pancakes. Then we'd pass out by the fire. Can't you just feel the warmth on your backside?


************************

In other dining news, we were excited to learn that "WIN A MEAL WITH THE CAST OF [TITLE OF SHOW]" was the most successful lot in the Vineyard Theatre's Fundraising Auction. We're looking forward to having cheeseburgers with Chris of Burbank, California. Chris is flying in all the way from LA to eat with us. Thanks for supporting the Vineyard Theatre, Chris!

In summary:
Ouest - 5 Stars
Eating out of Hunter's Mouth - 4 1/2 Stars
Craig's Cabin - 5 Stars
Meal with the Cast of [title of show] - TBD

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2010 is the Year of the Tiger. The Tiger is said to be a sign that wards off the three main disasters of a household: fire, thieves and ghosts. I would like to offer (no offense Chinese Zodiac) that it is the year of the [tos]! That's right tigers and tossers everywhere will get some [tile of show] in a town near you and we are super excited to ward off fire, thieves and ghosts in each of these cities. Productions will be popping up all over the country in some really great theaters and we give our [tos] thumbs up! "But Hunter, where can I see [tos]?" Well, Jeff has put some love on the [tos]blog home page, but let's drive it home here people:

St. Louis

Boston

Tuscon & Phoenix

Washington, D.C. (where the gays can marry and honeymoon by seeing [tos]!...well Boston too...but I digress...)

Fancy eh? These are some top notch places and we are supes proud to be invading them. "But Hunter", you ask, "we loved you guys in [tos] why would we go see these productions?" The answer is easy, because they will rock. Jeff and I have always believed in this show, in its fun goodtimeness entertainment value and truly in what it says. We had many dreams with [tos]: Broadway, Original Cast recording, fragrance, clothing line, productions all over, and while Heidi and Susan arm wrestle over the final combination of smells for our new perfume Die Vampire! (available at Sears 2012), we want you guys to show your love for members of National team [tos]. Truth is, we can't wait to see the show live and breathe on new folks, and for each new cast and audiences everywhere to experience what so many of you got to experience with us.

"But Hunter" you add, "What do I do know with all this knowledge of upcoming [tos]es?" Excellent question. Go see them shows! We plan to! We want you nerds to show the same love and support you showed us! Take it to the streets people! When [tos] finished its mighty run at the Lyceum, we knew the show would live on...and it does suckas. So go go go and support these theaters. Grab your favorite tossers and rock a tosser field trip. Take it to the face book the twitter to youtube and for old timeys sake your myspace page...aww, myspace...a'member that! We want you guys to make these new toscast members in each city to feel like the rockstars they are. So here's your checklist bitches (and you have time it's xmas break for fuck's sake! You're just sitting around eating and watching Jersey Shore so hop to it!)

1. Call out your tos army. Speed dial that shit. Facebook status it. Hot air balloon it.
2. Plan your official [tos] night out. Just like ladies night. Put on your tos ware make a tostini (over 21 please and no drinking and driving dummies!) pop in your your tos CD warm up your voices and then go rock that shit live! Live people! Live!
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

We love this show, and we love all of you guys who helped make this piece of theater what it is and we are so so so very proud it lives on!

Happy, happy tosholidays! We love you guys!

The last 48 hours have been crazzle-bedazzle.

Where to begin...

HOO-WAH-HOUSE

As you may well know, gentle readers, last night we appeared in The Actors Fund benefit concert of THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS (masterminded by Seth Rudetsky). I wasn't previously familiar with the show, so the last few days have been a real education. I LOVED sitting in rehearsals watching hot guys and gals dance around half-neked...this would be another great opportunity to get yerselves one of them time machines and zap yerself back to visit those rehearsals...they were HEE-YOT! There times during the Aggie dance when it literally smelled like the floor was smoking from the stomping and dancing. And watching Emily Skinner was really educational...in case you didn't know it: LADY CAN ACT. And listening to Jennifer Hudson SANG: HOLY JESUS, JESUS! Again, I feel as if I have won some insane contest where I am allowed crazy access to all manner of adventures. PLUS: I've had a well-documented girl-boner for Terrence "The Sheriff" Mann since he was the Rum Tum Tugger. How queer is that? About as queer as this.

When were fortunate enough to be asked to be in this benefit, I was told that it was a 45-second song, super simple, no bigs. Then we showed up for rehearsal. Holy. Shit. First of all, we were serving tight, 4-part barbershop harmonies, and we all know how loooong it takes mommy to learn her singy parts. Then, Denis Jones (who choreographed the ever-lovin' crap out of this concert) set a ballet du lampes de poche on us (that's a Flashlight Dance to you, Frenchie). Then Seth and the [tos] team applied a liberal helping of shenanigans. Turned out to be the most complicated 45 seconds I've ever performed.

So, yesterday at 10:30am, we reported to the August Wilson Theatre to mic up for our li'l WHOREHOUSE soundcheck. It sure was fun cow-poking around backstage and looking at all the JERSEY BOYS props and callboards and stuff. I can't finagle a ticket to that show, but I enjoyed going through Christian Hoff's private dressing room (JK'ing, Seth). Then we did our soundcheck on that big, beautiful Broadway stage.

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching rehearsal and trying to learn our notes and steps. I'm telling you, kiddies, it was nervous-making. But when we came out on stage for our big 45 seconds, people clapped like they knew who we were (though I'm pretty sure those people were all of our friends).

In summary, I sang most (not all) of my notes correctly, I danced most (not all) of my steps correctly, and I said all my words without throwing up on myself. So that worked out pretty pretty pretty good. My only regret is that I didn't get to have my picture taken with Terrence Mann. I'm scared of people I don't know and he seemed so busy and I didn't want to bug him. So maybe next time, T-Mann...maybe next time. Til then, I'll have to make do with this photo, instead.

After the show, we all exited through the stage door. There was a group of autograph seekers and well-wishers behind a partition. A man with a big smile on his face beckoned me over. When I got near him, he leaned in and said, "Do you know if Terrence Mann has come out yet?"

Fresh.

I couldn't attend the big after-party cause I had to get up REALLY early this morning to shoot...

A MEEVIE!

That's right, kids. Mommy filmed a role in a major motion picture today. Here's the backstory:

The LaGravenese family (Richard, Ann and Lily) came to see [title of show] and they really seemed to like it. Mr. LaGravenese is a supes-fancy writer whose written lots of amazing screenplays (THE FISHER KING, BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY, BELOVED, THE MIRROR HAS TWO FACES...that bitch is NOT playing...AND he's nice, too!). He enjoyed the show enough to let Susie audition for his latest film. Then he gave her a juicy little part. Thank you, Mr. LaGravenese!

So, here's the jam: I woke up at 5:30 and hauled it down to Soho where they dressed me like an Upper-East-Side-Lady-Type. Then I spent the day browbeating my meevie husband (Michael Countryman) while Gina Gershon looked on and tried to keep me from ending Hilary Swank in an all-out girl brawl. It was pretty fun. I got to scream a lot. I accidentally stomped on Gina Gershon's toe with my pointy heel (sorry again, Gina Gershon). And I accidentally spit on Hilary Swank (alot) when I was screaming at her (sorry again, Hilary Swank). Another cool thing about my day at the meevie was Craig Pressgrove (brother of our own Larry Pressgrove) was the focus-puller on set! I'm used to seeing Craig in Larry's apartment, so it was very comforting to have his familiar face nearby.

********************

In conclusion, the last 48 hours have been a whirlwind adventure. I'd like to close by accepting this coveted Golden Pony and publicly thanking the following:

Seth Rudetsky for letting us be a part of the fancy Broadway crowd for a night.

Denis Jones for whipping total choreographic ass.

Seth, Denis and Larry P for your patient, caring work with the learning-impaired.

The Academy.

The T-Mann.

Richard and Ann LaGravenese for giving a small-town weirdo a chance to scream at (and spit on) Hilary Swank.

I also want to send a special shout-out to Lily LaGravenese for loving musical theatre and dragging her parents to see our skit. Thanks, lady. Good work.

I am going to end by thanking my husband because I'd like to think I've learned from past mistakes. Chad, you're my everything. Thank you for your support. It means the world.

And lastly, I thank the [title of show] golden pony for pooping out such magical adventures.

Til next time...