Jeff Bowen brought this to my attention:


Isn't that specific?

Come to think of it, I have had a handful of people approach me lately to try to get me to join Facebook. I've got two jobs and three email accounts, so I have consistently resisted. I think I'll continue to resist, but I'm flattered nonetheless.

I'm onto you, Facebookers...you're gonna have to be pretty devious (deviant?) to get me to join. Show me what you've got...

My friend Robin sent me this video:



It's the work of a French company called Royal de Luxe. There's not a lot about them on the InterWeb, but she did find this site, which is mostly en francais. But even for an ignorant mono-linguist like me, it's fun to look at the pictures.

Wild, huh?

TA-DA!

Check out those shoes, people! That was my favorite part of the whole fit-out. I was going for old-school Hollywood glamor.

The night was totally fun, and like most hugemongous events like that, a lot of it was a blur. I was still getting over my flu-diet so I was a little tired, but I did manage to find the strength to walk the red carpet and chirp with the fancies. You know what was fun? Ok, I'll tell you! When the people behind the velvet rope were asking me about [title of show]... THAT was fun! I played it ever-so-cool and just tried to flirt with everybody. That's what you're supposed to do, right? I'm a mystery!!! HA!

Once I found my way inside, my [tos] fam and I found the bar, and to keep up our strength, ate some odd opening night food. (Mini chicken pot pies? weird...) and then we did what most families do at big celebrations... we found a corner table, never really left, and talked and laughed with each other all night.

All in all it was super fun and I'm so proud and thrilled to be a part of an original Broadway company of such a sparkly new show. I was so grateful to have my [tos] family there to help me celebrate. (We missed you Larry! sheesh... get home already!) I'm a lucky girl. The only thing that would make this opening better would be to top it by another Broadway opening in the same season... What have you heard?!!!

Hey tossers just a heads up that your very own Jeff and H will be hiding away at a good ole writing retreat where email and web access is limited.
So there may be fewer entries this week and we'll get to fan mail and myspace/friendster (friendster grampa?!?!?)/facebook/you tube/titleofshow.com mail when we return. I know, I know "but our letters and e-mails!" you're saying. But here's the deal, we gots to get tos Broadway ready for '08 suckas! So til then we leave the blog in good hands with our tosmates who will keep the blog exciting and new!

I came home from my show tonight and found these emails waiting for me...

From: Audra
To: Susan
Subject: ...celebrity apprentice cameo?

Susan -

Restore the faith in my eyesight and say that you were actually on the Kodak Episode of Celebrity Apprentice tonight. Why am I watching this, I dunno. But it looked like Stephan Baldwin just sold you a printer, or something.

Audra

ps. I'm going to feel like an idiot if that wasn't really you, so lie if you have too. Thanks...

and this

From: Kelly
To: Susan
Subject: kodak printer
Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:50:42 -0500

How do you like your new printer? Is the ink as kick ass as they said it was?

Kelly

and this

To: Susan
From: Joanna Gleason
Subject: oh my god (it's joanna gleason)

was that you on the "Apprentice"?????

the "Apprentice"?????

xxx joanna
aka Dolores My Shepherd

Dear Audra (McDonald? WOW!),
Kelly (O'Hara?!! Double-WOW!)
and Joanna (Gleason??!! Triple-WOW!):

It's true, ladies. Here's the story:

Full disclosure: I didn't know it was the Celebrity Apprentice. I was walking to work and I honest-to-god thought I stumbled onto a shoot for a Kodak commercial. 'Jesus' Baldwin approached me on the sidewalk and axed me if I had a minute to talk about printer ink. I love a good NY adventure* so I said YES!

*Within reason. Play it safe, kids...keep in school, stay off drugs.

Full full disclosure: Lennox Lewis couldnt get my Amex to process, so after about a half hour of hanging out on that Airstream chatting with Big Pussy about CHICAGO (!), I quietly slipped out the back door. I never bought the printer and I never signed a release to use my image. So, I'll be suing them in the morning.

Sincerely,
Susan B

PS: What were y'all doing watching The Apprentice???? I thought you were a classy ladies that only watched PBS.

PPS: Nice work on that drag queen name, Joanna Gleason. That TONY made you sick in the head.

PPPS: Did anyone DVR that shit? Please upload to YouTube so I can check it out!

PPPPS: Audra McDonald and Kelli O'Hara didn't really email me. But Joanna Gleason did!!! Can you believe that shit?!! DON'T SAY THAT, OF COURSE YOU WERE MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, PEOPLE!!!

Thanks to Bobe, now we can all enjoy it together:

Our own Heidi Bee's Playbill.com feature by our pal Ernio H...

Check it out.

I don't know if this will be interesting to anyone else in the world except me and maybe 2 people I went to high school with (and maybe Susan), but I was watching old Debbie Gibson videos on Youtube this morning (as is my way) when I discovered that the guy she falls in love with in the "Lost in Your Eyes" video is the same feller who she splits with in "Foolish Beat".



Please tell me that someone is working on a Deb Gibson jukebox musical - 'cause I would be there in a hot minute! And if anyone is close with Debbie and this fella above, I want them to come to [tos]' opening night together when we open on Broadway so I'll know that they're back together again.

Tonight our little Heidi puts on fins and heelies and we are proud of her. She has been busting her ass for this show and tonight we will celebrate her ass hard work. Jeff and I get to be a part of it all (good work on that heidster) and will be sitting in that bway theatre clapping for you Heidi.

We heart you. We are proud of you li'l fish and I thought that this was a propos.

Opening night cartoon.

Here are the answers to last weeks Scavenger Hunt where you were to find the episode where the following things appeared....


1. This hand lotion Appears in Episode 3 on "Jim/Barry's" Desk
2. This loaf of bread Appears in Episode 2 part 1 on Hunter's T-shirt 3. This cup of coffee Appears in Episdoe 5 on the credenza behind Susan during "Dangle the Dingle" monologue
4. This heart Appears in Episode 6 on Amy Spanger
5. This image Appears in Episode 2 part 2 on the top of the Shubert's Webpage
6. This pillow Appears in Episode 4 under Jeff
7. This book Appears in Episode 2 part 1in Hunter's hands
8. This book Appears in Episode 3 in Susan's hands
9. This engine Appears in the Christmas Show claymation sequence
10. This lens Appears in Ep 5 on the kitchen table

Bonus: What 3 episodes does this guy appear in (not counting as a voice-over)? "this guy" Michael Berresse and he appears in Episode 4, Episode 5 and Episode 6.

The lucky patch winner for this challenge is...
Leila D (whom I still owed something for getting that Tuesday Weld/Jesus question right a few months back. send me your addy Leila!

A few others (including Jeff H and Kevin M) got 'em all right - but those 2 bitches already got patches. We gotsta spread the wealth. I appreciate you boys playin' anyway. Soon we'll have other swag to give away and not just patches.

There were a hold bunch more of yas that missed it by one. Keep playin' the Jeff games. More soon!

"How To Look Awesome In Your Opening Night Dress"
by Heidi.

You know how to tell if your friend is a true one? Get the flu. I just wanted to say thanks to Jeffy and Michael Berresse for saving my ass while I was down for the count. Jeffy knows how to keep a fevery friend company and Michael knows just what to make you for your first meal back on solid food. Thanks Guys! This flu is no joke. Save yourselves. It's not pretty. But, I'm through it now and back in my sparkly Broadway show that, finally, through out-of-town try-outs, strikes, injuries and technical malfunctions, is going to open tomorrow night. And I'm going to look fierce thanks to not being able to eat for 4 days...

This is my first original Broadway cast opening and I want to say that I am super excited and endlessly grateful. Hunter and Jeff get to watch from the 3rd row and then the whole [tos] gang, minus Larry - boo, gets to come help me celebrate. I'm thrilled to have such a fun night ahead of me and I promise a full report after it all goes down.

Happy New Year Y'all!

Just a little something to share. Si vous pensez que [titre d'exposition] n'existe que aux etats unis...you'd be wrong! (Please excuse my weak french...il passe longtemps que je parles and I don't think I used the right tense of parler just then either! Ugh!) Anyhoo, tosser Lionel who is supes cute and lives in Canada,eh likes [tos] and shared this. I enjoy and rock many a DVD evening with Flight of the Conchords and laugh.

By the way I want the film version of Mama Mia! to look exactly like the ending of this video. That would rock.

Jeff's blog inspired me to blog on the concept of the "phoney call" (good work to Susan B for coinin' the phrase). Jeff and I have laughed about using this as a device esp in the big city to avoid situations. Now yes I'll rock some therapy to be more direct and up front and honest, but until then when someone approaches to ask me "if I like comedy" and wants me to go to their comedy show, I'll rock a phoney call. (For the record I do like comedy and I do respect all young struggling comedians. It's just hard to walk down street some days and get asked if I like to laugh or if I wanna see a show, then say nothing and be punished that I didn't want to go to Laugh Traxx.)

Sometimes if someone wants me to sign a petition or give to HRC (again all noble good things and I do donate to HRC) I can be a pussy and have a fear of saying no...so I rock a "phoney" phone call.

Also useful if you see someone you know casually and like but maybe don't need to engage completely. Get on your phoney phone and pretend to be "extremely busy" on a call and just give the nod and wave as if to say, " God, we should catch up but this phoney phone call is occupying me so!" ( I realize now you ll see me on the street and be like quit faking faker! That is the blog risk I shall take)

Sometimes the crazy homeless dude can be avoided with phoney phone calls. Although, crazy trumps phoney so be prepared with the back up plan which Susan taught me and that is to sing. Just f'ing start singing and 9 times out o 10, crazy thinks your ass is even crazier for singing. Good tip. One to grow on Susan.

The history of the phoney call goes back even to college for me where my roomie and I played a game called "phone". The way it worked was if one of us was home before the other and the later comer entered the apt, roomie already home picked up the phone and started talking. You had to see how long you could go before the other called your bluff. Ridiculous game but somehow entertained us for quite some time. Don't know if that meant we were awesome phone actors or just lame college kids but either way it prepared me for the city and the "phoney" call.

So give it a whirl, see how it works for you. And for the record, it's not just in the city... it's an international thang!

So we here at [title of show] have been getting these kinds of emails lately:

Hey Jeff!
I saw you at the Joe Iconis show last night (I was at the table next to you). Yeah, so i wanted to say hi, but the final verdict in my mind was that it was awkward. In my mind, If i had gone up to you, it might have gone something like this.

Me: umm hi. I love your show. You are awesome.
You: Get away from me. You are the last person i want to see now.

So you see why i didn't say anything. haha.
Well this [email] is probably more awkward then if i did go up to you so i will say goodbye.... now.

signed
Fan X (aka Jordan).

Jordan gave me permission to exploit him and his email in an effort to help other perplexed tos fans. I did promise not to use his last name, though.

I speak on my castmates behalf when I say, "Who in the world wouldn't want someone coming up and telling them that they're awesome?" Maybe some people, but not us whores. Bring it. Some tips when approaching us:

1. If you spot one or more of us together and we look like we're having an intense conversation and you don't want to break in, you can always yell: "[title of show] rulezz!" when you pass by and we'll get the message.
2. If you see Hunter on the street and he is on his cell phone, he is most likely having a fake phone call...or a "phoney call" as Susan would say. So feel free to interrupt him while he's talking to an invisible friend and tell him that he's awesome.
3. In addition to informing Susan of her awesomeness, Susan likes you to say nice things about her clothes if you ever see her.
4. The real Jeff (me) wears glasses in public and sometimes people get confused if it's really me. It is me and I am wearing glasses. The real Jeff wears specs and the character of "Jeff" has 20/20 vision.
5. The character of "Hunter" is gay, but the real Hunter is not.
6. Heidi is the nicest of all of us, so there is no reason in the world not to say hi to her and inform her how much you like her.

In conclusion, please say "hi".

Oh, and the character of "Larry" is bald. The real Larry has a great head of hair.

Select one:

A. Rock Star
B. Family Man
D. Mindy Gringorten
J. The little engine that could (make the [title of show] show)
7. Big Bird
F. All of the above

If you've been enjoying the [title of show] show, you've been sampling the sweet handicrafts of Matt Vogel, boy genius. If it weren't for Matt Vogel, the [title of show] show might look like this. Thanks to Matt (and his flowing creativity, technical acumen, crack timing, phat ideas and patient wife), we all get to enjoy the [title of show] show.

Special thanks to the Vogels for letting us abduct Matt, overtake their living room, disturb their children's sleep and steal their cotton balls.

What do they give us in return?

More time, more patience, more brownies.

And for that, we say THANK YOU!

Hey tossers Happy New Year! Here's a little audio/i-tunes fun for you to download to help ring in '08!

Hope you enjoy.

[tos]cast #4.

Don't miss susan on LAW & ORDER tonight (Wednesday) at 9pm on NBC (EST). It's the 2 hour season premiere. She'll be sitting in a higher chair than anyone else on the set!