It's that time for our best-of-the-year lists, so I've decided to choose my top 10 favorite blog entries of the year...

10. How to Be a Good Shill in Seven Steps by Jeff
9. You Taste Funny??!!! by Heidi
8. My Missed Opportunity with Andre by Susan
7. Keepin' it Fake by Larry
6. Opening Night Fun by Hunter
5.Blog Hog by Larry
4.Tie:
Hurray for Benjamin! by Susan
Courtney Rox! by Susan
3.Baby Wipes and Panic Attacks by Heidi
2. Empty Chairs & Empty Keyboards by Susan
#1. Fawkes It! by Larry

** Please note that Susan's blog entry below, "The Last Day of 2006" will be eligible for next year's list.

___________________________________________________________________________

Can you believe this is it for 2006? Starting tomorrow, you'll need to start writing 2007 on your checks (made payable to Susan Blackwell c/o [title of show]...)

I liked the shape of the number 2006. 2007 is appealing too, but in a much pointier way.

(Speaking of New Years, remember the whole Y2K scare? Did you buy your jugs of water and withdraw extra cash from the ATM? Ha. Suckers.)

In the spirit of the passing year, I thought I'd put together my own list of my most noteworthy moments of 2006. Here she goes:

Quitting my lucrative, full-time corporate job - I haven't spoken publicly about this because it was just too fresh and terrifying at the time, but now that the dust has settled: Whilest onstage teching at the Vineyard, during a hold as they adjusted a light cue, I found myself surrounded by friends and awash in tears: I knew I couldn't continue working full time AND keep doing [title of show]. I was at a serious, Robert Frost-ian crossroads. In a nerve-wracking move, I resigned from my ultra-stable, full-time corporate management role in order to carve out more time for creativity. One of the scariest things I've ever done, but it continues to feel right. I'm currently working part-time and seeing where this path leads me…

Improving my head with miracles of modern science - Two fantastic inventions found their way into/onto my head this year: Japanese Hair Straightening and Xanax. After struggling with coarse, frizzy hair and paralyzing stage fright for years, 2006 brought me serious relief. Thanks to the makers of both.

Greenroom times - Some of my favorite moments of 2006 happened in the greenroom of the Vineyard theatre. In that modest cinderblock room, we met some of the most interesting people (Andre Gregory, Des MacAnuff, Bernadette Peters, Joanna Gleason, Rip Taylor, Dee Hoty, Kitty Carlisle Hart, Bob Martin, Andrea Martin, Chris Sarandon, Jeffrey Lane, David Yazbeck, Jeff Marx, Joan Rivers, and on and on and on...). Even more fantastically, we got to share many memorable meals with our [tos] family. I loved sharing between-show times and conversations with our FANTASTIC cast and crew. ASM Tom would make cheddle bunnies and cookies and pies and we'd wash it down with some delicious roachwater. Larry Ash would tell us about life in Paris. PSM Martha would introduce us to new snacks from Trader Joes. Vineyard staffers would stop in to visit. Special guests like Seth Rudetsky, Dale Davis, Harris Spylios, Mary Harden, Penny Fuller, Matthew Banks, Bob Hetherington, Ryan Hill, Laura Camien, Kevin McCollum, Steve White and Robert Vargas would bring news from the outside world. We'd play a few rounds of "Where's Lydia?*" and read trashy magazines before settling in for naps on the Equity cot. Salad Days.

*Note to Hunter & Jeff: I think we need to put "Where's Lydia?" in the show. It won't be hard. I think we can squeeze it in before Tulita Pepsi. Let's discuss.

Meeting John Cameron Mitchell - On July 29, after much begging and strategizing, the stars aligned and I was introduced to one of my creative heroes. It was extremely gratifying, to say the least.

Shaping young minds - The cast led two workshops this year. The first was a DIE VAMPIRE DIE-inspired workshop with students from Washington Irving high school. We taught the students the number, then they plugged in their own vampires. It was fantastic and humbling. We also taught a songwriting workshop at 826NYC in Brooklyn. Those kids rocked it out, too. Very, very hard work and many hours of preparation, but totally worth it in the end. I got to visit my alma mater Wright State University and speak to the Senior Acting majors there, too. I'm looking forward to doing more of this in the future. Tis mexellent.

Opening and closing nights at the Vineyard (featuring treats by Craig Thompson) - We were treated to some amazing parties this year to celebrate our comings and goings. Thanks to those who organized (and paid for) these beautiful affairs (Ryan, Kevin, Susan, Laura, Doug, Rachel and Reed). Thanks for the treats, Craig. Thanks for the fancy digs, Tim. These things will not be soon forgotten.

Chatting with Fans! - As someone who is quite shy of people I don't know, I was so amazed at the number of people who waited around after the show to chat with us. From rabbis to students to steel transport dispatchers to waiters to writers and artists, we met so many wonderful people this year. It taught me to be braver about approaching people when I admire their work (though I'm still pretty shy of it).

Fan Mail - How ludicrous is it that people from around the world sent us fan mail? How pleasurable was it to do interpretive readings of said fan mail in our dressing room? How crazy was it to receive fan mail from people like Terrence McNally? Thank you to everyone who took the time to write. It blew our minds eight ways to Sunday.

Attending my first Broadway opening - Back in May, I was thrilled to attend my first Broadway opening: THE DROWSY CHAPERONE! The show was fantastic and the opening night party at Tavern on the Green was festive and star-studded. Since then, I’ve been lucky enough to attend a few more Broadway openings, but there’s nothing like the first time, baby!

Making my Broadway debut - Okay, so it only lasted for about 90 seconds, but we did get to perform on the stage of the August Willson theatre in the Actor's Fund WHOREHOUSE benefit. I felt very proud to be included and to have the opportunity to work with such noteworthy noteworthies. Double-bonus: Backstage, I was preparing for the following day's film shoot with Hilary Swank, and Bob Martin and Richard Kind answered all of my technical questions regarding filming a rapid-fire scene. How awesome is that?

Shooting a major motion picture - Okay, so I only had a leetle part, but how incredible is it that I got paid to scream at (and spit on) Hillary Swank for a day? My life is weird and wonderful...

My first trip to Hawaii - This year, my dear Whitey and I traveled to the Pacific Rim for the marriage of our friends Tom and Michael. It was so dreamy in so many ways. If you're in Maui any time soon, please stop by Mama's Fish House and bring me back one of those mint/cocoanut milk/lime/crushed ice drinkies. Also, bring me back a baggie of ocean breezies. So very very.

My first OCR - I can't believe that I (Susan Blackwell) have spent a day in a studio making an original cast recording! I can't believe Kurt, Joel and Noah produced our album! I can't believe that people around the world listen to it!! So strange.

Public Appearances and Special Events - Led by our dream PR team (Sam, Dale and Bob), we got to make a number of public appearances this year that were (in turns) fun, scary and exciting: Seth's Broadway Chatterbox, Tower Records OCR Signing, Broadway Idol, NYMF's Tribute to Kevin McCollum, Litte Fish and Dont Quit Your Night Job at Joe's Pub (to name a few). Then there were the fun little surprises Sam cooked up, like Mary Stout v. the hot dog cart, Round 2. Dammit, that shit was fun!

Being outed as a hot guy by David Bell - I have enjoyed our virtual interactions with David Bell so much. Yesterday, someone congratulated me on all of our year-end "best of 2006" lists, and I realized that the one that excited me the very most was David Bell's. I want to thank David Bell for making me feel like I was special in 2006.

Holding Understudy Auditions (and finding Courtney & Benjamin) - What a massive freak-out it was to see people auditioning to play you. I salute the brave men and women who gave it their all. I take my hat off to Tiffany Little Canfield for shepherding us through the whole daunting process. I take my pants off to Courtney Balan and Benjamin Howes for becoming part of our scrap-tastic little family. We were so lucky to find you both.

Times at Union Hall and Floyd - Our friends Andy and Jim have created such beautiful Brooklyn boîtes and we have enjoyed so much pleasure therein. Congratulations, Andy and Jim. We are very proud of you.

Insider Scoops - I lost my mind this year visiting places like DC Comics, MAD Magazine and Sesame Street. Thank you thank you thank you, baby Jesus.

Visiting Ohio - After all the glamour and intrigue, it was deeply pleasurable to return to my rural-tastic roots in Ohio. Seeing my family, visiting my friends, petting some goats. Heavenly.

Performing [title of show] - I have literally experienced hundreds of hours of pleasure performing our little skittle. Even when the roof leaked and the water was essenced with roaches, it was nothing but pure delight. Some favorite moments include hanging backstage with our ASM Tom and his stinky tea, Zig-Zag-Zogging in our dressing room, farting on each other whenever possible, tiny blackout theatre, and watching the old man dance across the front of the stage during 9 PEOPLE. I think my very favorite thing was getting to be onstage with my best friends and listening to them… Just sitting and listening to them talk and sing. Again, I say Salad Days.

I can't believe how much fun and love exchanged hands this year. Thank you to everyone who shared these times with me. I feel so deeply fortunate to have experienced the wonder that was 2006.

Much, much love,
Susan B.

I check in with Norman Lear's sitcom every now then there is some genious comedy happening. Sadly, we lost Damon Evans this past week; he played Lionel Jefferson off-and-on with Mike Evans over the years of the show's success. Here's some great writing from tonight's episode on Nick....

George (goes to grab a beer from the coffee table): Weesy, where's my beer?
Florence: I poured it out.
George: What?! That was a perfectly good beer.
Florence: I know. I poured it into me.

Classic.

Oh, the lists. So many!

One list I'm most happy about getting on is this one. David Bell is a groovy writer that all of us have admired both near and afar. What a great reward to see that we're at the top of his list of theatre-going this year. This fella sees some shows, too. Thanks, David! If we ever happen again somewheres, you'll be getting a ticket in your Valentine's paper bag on your desk.

PS. Check out how many tall, skinny Vineyard programs are sticking out of David's pile of theatre ephemera.

Also, check out Patrick's blog - I read his with great frequency and he seems to have picked a favorite musical as well.

Heidi's bday was yesterday and no one posted. I'm not doing so well in the birthday department.

So things that are good for the ego are top ten lists. Thanks to all the tossers who picked us and said kick ass things. In celebration, I have compiled a top ten list. Just ten things I wanted to put on a list. Please enjoy and feel free to submit your own top ten lists. Go ahead...just pick ten things and write them on a list. Submit them to us, and we'll give the best ones a brand new Pontiac G6, or maybe make a top ten of the top ten top ten lists. Awesome! (*Note: Pontiac G6's not available and the preceding statment is on top ten list of lies for 2006, [title of show] is not responsible for giving anyone a car including participants in Puerto Rico and Georgia. Some assembly required)

So in no particular order..and with no real thought, research, or energy...let's rock this 2K6 top tizzle.

10. Survivorman- kick ass show on the Science Channel where they drop this Canadian dude Les in the middle of nowhere and he has to survive on a stick and a pebble.

9. Project Runway. 'nuff said.

8. Sleeping in when it's cold and rainy.

7. Looking at puppies in torn up newspaper at a pet store and thinking about snuggling them.

6. Kristen Wiig. She makes me laugh on SNL. With honorable mention to Justin Timberlake hosting SNL. Soup there it is.

5. BLT Fish. Yummy NYC eatery with yummy fish.

4. Campple picking. A kick ass combo of camping and apple picking with your peeps.

3. My peeps. My friends and family who love me and work and play with me. I am lucky I get to do [tos] with my peeps.

2. Kennedy Center Honors- I know I'm a cornball, but that shit always makes me proud to be an artist. Even with bad Debbie Allen-esque choreo, I cry.

1. [title of show] that's right...I said it!

Ok. Stop yelling. I'm right here. I've been a delinquent blogger, I KNOW... sorREE.

No excuse is good enough, but the truth is I have been a little overwhelmed with extra-[tos]ticular activities. I'm in CA right now, freezing my ass off by the way, what's up with that? I head back to NYC in a coupla days with Olive and my husband in tow, but other than seeing my family for a spell, I was here in California to sing at a super swanky benefit for the renovation of a museum. (Fancy, right?) I got a new dress. I got new pretty shoes, and some sparkly new earrings, and I for the first time in my life, I sang a tight 40-minute set of mostly standards and Christmas carols. (And maybe I threw in A Way Back To Then to spice things up a bit...) I also tossed in some witty banter and tried not to poop in my panties in front of the rich people. I wouldn't say I had fun, but I would say that I almost had fun, and if you know me, you know that is a huge triumph. Those things are super hard for me, but I love a challenge and decided that I should do it.

I often feel like I am two very different people. There's the one that likes to love my friends, eat good food, see movies, play with my dog, kiss my husband and be a generally quiet person. And then there's that other girl. The one who has the balls to get up in front of a room full of strangers and sing by myself for 40 minutes. I think that girl is very weird. It seems so unnatural to me. Who does that? My father and I were having a great conversation on this topic. He's a lawyer and he was sympathetic because he gets pretty tortured before he has to try a case. We were asking each other why we do things that make us so uncomfortable. I don't really know the answer to that, but I do know that I couldn't do anything else. At any rate, I was proud that I killed another vampire, (Thanks [title of show]!) and those museum fancies were exposed to a little slice of [tos]. If we ever do our show again, I can't wait to see them in the audience reacting to all the cussing. You can take the girl out of [title of show], but you can't take the [title of show] out of the girl.

Merry Christmas and all other things you might celebrate too. Here's to blogging more on '07!

It's not really my mom's birthday, but it was on November 7th. I told her that we try not to get to personal about our families on the blog, but she quickly corrected me by pointing out that I had wished my Dad a happy birthday on his birthday in July. Then there's that whole blog about the Bell clan at Disney World that I posted -- they're not even my family, they're Hunter's. Anyway, it was her birthday last month and now I'm blogging about it. But, I'm also going to blog about this, mom....

For those of you who've had the pleasure of meeting Jeanie Bowen, you've no doubt had some laughs in one form or another. She's been the best fodder for my brother and me for over 30 years. SO - I was up at my bro's house last weekend (he lives in NYC as well with his lovely fiancee, Amy). My mother was singing "Two Nobodies in New York" in the kitchen..."...me and you, Two Nobodies in New York...Key Chains!" ....(I gasp!) Wha????!! "Key Chains???!!!" I of course, made her sing it back to me. Yes, I did hear correctly..."Key Chains!" Mom, I say, Hunter's line is "Key Change!" She seemed confused. She didn't get the key change line. She had thought that since Hunter and I were dreaming about making the big time that somehow lumped into those fantasies was the idea of merchandising [title of show] key chains. This was cause for hours of fun as we relived her version of the song over and over again AND it also led to a music theory lesson where we all sang "Row Row Row Your Boat" and on the 3rd round, we modulated up a whole step to see if she could hear the key change. She did.

I talked to Hunter about this and we both kind of like the "Key chains" line a bit. It's certainly arbitrary enough for our show, yet beautifully specific. All we have left to do is convince our director that it's the right message. He's already had a good laugh from it as well, so we'll see. This whole episode is proof again that folks who don't know much about musical theatre still have a great time singin' along to the cast album at their construction job or while they're doing lab samples or football trainin'.

I love you, mom. Happy birthday.

happy christmas tossers..whatever you believe in, be it the baby jesus or lord of the rings..I hope everyone is cozy...with or thinking about family and loved ones...and that you get that i-pod or PS3 you want. Back in the day, it was Atari, Simon and a bike that rocked li'l Hunter's xmas day. There was also a pretty consistent tradition of karaoke in my family....nothing celebrates the son of man like my famliy singing patsy cline and N sync!

put out those cookies and ho ho ho!

from our ASM Tom Reynolds.

Enjoy!

Twas The Night Before Christmas, and this happened.

Now that I have your attention...

If I could have anything for Christmas, this is what it'd be:

The Christmas of my 1st grade year (1975?), Santa brought me a doll called LITTLE RED WRITING HOOD. She had a red fabric body, pink fabric hands, black fabric boots and some molded plastic yellow hair around her face. She was about 13 inches tall and her soft, flat-ish body was about 2 inches thick.
Her face was flat, featureless circle of pink plastic, but when you drew on her face (with a stylus or your fingernail), you could draw any face you wanted and it would appear in brighter, luminescent pink. To erase her face, you squeezed the stomach and your drawing would disappear.

I can't tell you how much I loved this doll. When we returned to school after the Christmas break, each child was allowed to bring their favorite present for show-and-tell. I brought my LITTLE RED WRITING HOOD doll and my teacher (Mrs. P, whose own hair poked out from under her wig and who would never give me the time of day) thought it was so cool that she sent me to the school office to show the principal my doll. Our principal, Sister A (who could only be described as a hardcore, corporal-punishment-loving nazi) was so delighted by my doll that she laughed and patted me on the head. From what I could infer, this doll seemed to have the magical ability to make normally-cunty adults behave kindly.

I kept my doll for many years, but she disappeared near the end of college. I'm not sure where she went, but I would love to replace her. Strangely, I think about that little doll all the time. My brother did some research and (amazingly) found the patent (search for patent 3,863,386). If it's the same doll, it was partially designed by Benjamin Kinberg (right here in New York) and manufactured by Horsman Dolls (in Columbia, South Carolina), probably in 1974.

I keep hoping I'll see this doll one day in a vintage toy store, flea market or yard sale. Til then, I'll ask the baby Jesus, Santa Claus and YOU to keep all eyes open. If you ever see my little doll, please let me know right away. Or buy it for me and I'll pay you back. I figure if all of us look, maybe someday we'll find it.

Until then...

Merry Christmas!

How to get to Sesame Street!!?

As a special Christmas surprise for my hubbin, I arranged a trip to the Sesame Street studios. Those who know Whitey well knows he's a big 'mo for Sesame Street. In a lucky twist of fate, our friend Matt is a muppeteer who rocks the Big Bird and he was kind enough to give us a tour!

There's lots of pictures I can't show you: I promised not to show you pictures of muppets with muppeteer's hands up their muppet holes. I promised not to show you pictures of lifeless muppets lying on the muppet gurney. And no graphic muppet on muppet action. I can't even show you how they store Snuffleupagus. But there's plunty of other fun things to see! Let's take a look!!

We were there to see them shoot a scene where Baby Bear's parrot wouldn't come down from a tree. We also got to visit Mr. Hooper's store (chock full of everything you need), Big Bird's nest, Oscar's trashcan and this familiar stoop. Then we were just minding our own biznois when got sneak-attacked by Oscar.

Then we got to meet the Bird itself. It was so very extremely excellent that I thought Whitey was going to poop in his pampies. We only wish we could have met Mr. Pooper.

Deep thanks to Matt for letting us visit the Street! We'll never forget it!!

His name is Von Smith I've been told by several tossers...Von, if you are googling yourself and you end up on this page please see our letter to you below.

Dear Von,

You're awesome. We all think you sing real, real good. Consider this an invitation to come see our show if we ever do it again someday.

Sincerely,

Us

P.S. If you continue reading the blog, our apologies for Heidi's crack about your butchness. Truth is, she really is super jealous of you. Of all of us, really.

From superfan Marilyn...

DEAR JEFF,
STOP, STOP, YOU’RE KILLING US.
1. BARRACUDA – EXCELLENT START TO THE DAY. WE PLAYED IT FOUR OR FIVE TIMES. AND WE’RE LISTENING TO IT NOW.
2. WTF – WHO IS THAT KID? AND REMEMBER HIS NAME – WHAT? LORNE SMITH, ERIN SMITH, WARREN SMITH? WHO???? AND HOW SOON ARE YOU WRITING A SHOW FOR HIM?
A GOOD SCRIPT WITH TALENTED PEOPLE – START THERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU LOVELY FOLKS. KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON. WISHING YOU ALL GOOD THINGS FOR 2007. LARRY? YOU OUT THERE, BROTHER? WHO COVERED FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERE OUT OF THE SHOW? NEVER OUT? GOOD MAN!!!!

Marilyn, I've listened to the video a gazillion times and her mumbling his name and then saying "remember it" is one of the funniest things ever. I think his name is Von? Maybe Von Smith? Get thee Von to the Great White Way.

Larry, the fans are asking about you. What are you doing with yourself? Y'know people always talk about how remarkable it is that Hunter and I have so much stage time (no, really they do) and that we only get a couple minutes for a break, but poor Larry never leaves the stage. What's the first thing Larry does when he runs off the stage... is it...
1. Pee.
2. Get some water.
3. Call his agent.
4. Order in a chicken salad.
5. Pee.

The answer is 1 and 5, but not necessarily in that order.

This may be old news to some of you. But we just discovered this...


That bitch goes up on the "push, strike and kill" notes. Who the hell is this kid and why isn't he the biggest superstar in the world???! How many of you gay boys out there would kill to have this range so you could scream along with Jen Holliday? This kid doesn't miss a freakin' note. ClayGlayken needs to watch his back. - Thanks katannbri for sending us this. Unfuckinbelievable.

Well, we can't very well blog about Xtube, now can we? [tos] is a family musical after all.

Hey, tell me that this video doesn't make you want to be a butch-rad lady of rock n roll. Who knew that Sheryl Crow had those notes? I sure didn't. Can you imagine the after-party concert with these gals? Etheridge, Crow, Wy Judd, Heart. That's a crazy concert.



"Barracuda" is an awesome song. Did all you music nerds catch those 5/4 bars thrown in?? Anyone catch the 5/4 bars at the end of "Monkeys & Playbills?" Let's pretend that "Barracuda" was the inspiration for that and not "Everything's Alright" from Jesus Christ Superstar which rocks out the whole time is 5/4.

So I found this commercial from our past...



My question is -- Why karate and a robot in a treehouse? And then upon further investigation, I found that in the summer of 1986, Karate Kid II had just been released and Short Circuit was raking in the dough at the box office that June as well. Plus the buzz was still going strong with Goonies from the prior year and kids were all about forts, gettin' in trouble, and outdoor adventures. --- That same summer, Madonna interpreted her own "adventures about children" by releasing "Papa, Don't Preach." We all grew up a little that summer, didn't we? I sure did.

When I was little I had this game, and I LOVED IT. I hope at some point in my life, I will find another copy of it, but it has to be this specific edition. It represents a distillation of the most glamorous fashion I was exposed to as a child, and it strongly influenced my taste in men (my pick: a combo of the prom date and the nerdly dud. Yum.)

So I've been enjoying this*:

*Check out that shot after the girl is disappointed by the "dud". Clearly, the girls were directed to chatter excitedly to one another, but it seems as if none of them are actually interacting or paying attention to one another. Fabulousness.

That led to me enjoying this: MYSTERY DATE FOR BEARS

I appreciate the commitment and specificity. And I want to shout out to whoever took the time to make the props. Good jorb, Bears!

Yesterday marked my 5 month anniversary of being part of the [tos] family. It was July 10th when I received a call offering me the stand-by position and July 11th when I sat at the table read for the return to the Vineyard and met the gang for the first time. Fans of [tos], I wish they could auction off sitting at a table read with those four phenomenal performers and the rest of the crew, because that is something I will never forget. Benjamin and I have never been so honored or terrified in our entire lives. Anyway, I was reminiscing and figured I should share since in that 5 month period I have been the biggest blog slacker. Well, we are all good at something and I am good at being bad at blogging. Deal with that.
So I took the Quiz and I am a Susan. Appropriate.

I took the [tos] peep quiz and I am most like Jeff?!?!? Huh! Kidding...it worked. I am like me and I do procastibate and watch TV! Awesome!

So [tossers]...who else is denna jonesing to see Dreamgirls? My brother went to a special press preview, and said the children were standing and clapping during the movie. That's what I'm talking about.

QUIZ

So, tosfan Cyril pointed out that the genius behind the "Colors of the Wind" recording is Marla Mindelle. Also, I learned that is indeed her just having fun and that it was her in the flesh that performed it at Gypsy of the Year. Marla is my hero this week.

...because I've been stuck in the wilds of Massachusetts (spelling? I'm from Australia, I don't know. I'm not even 100% sure where Massachusetts is - and I'm in it). OK, that's not a very good excuse and the North Shore isn't really the wilds, but...I'm doing a bit of a Christmas gig playing Bob Cratchit - or Throb Crotchitch as I prefer to be known. Luckily the Tiny Tim is genuinely tiny, although the end of Act One still feels like I'm dancing with a 45lb turkey on my shoulder.

So the company accomodation is very nice, but I have one issue. Plastic plants. There are two in my apartment here. So I guess that makes two issues...but I see a plastic plant and I think "dust trap". Seriously, have you ever seen anyone put the vacuum cleaner on a faux Aspidistra? The scary thing is that I know they've used this apartment for housing for a while, so I'm thinking they have all sorts of actor crud embedded in them. And I know what goes on at these cast parties, I've been to a few in my time. Ah, the stories those tacky little greeneries could tell...

Boo, plastic plants! Hooray, beer!

([title of show] recommends drinking in moderation. When it suits us.)

I am fascinated by these dolls created by Mattel. They're the My Scene Bling Bling Barbies. They are:

Chelsea
Kennedy
Madison
Nolee
and
Decapitated Stripper (Now in Vanilla and Milk Chocolate!)

What in the holy hell? Is there a coupon on the package for breast implants and/or therapy?

I'll stick with the old-skool toys like good old Baby Alive. That kid eats AND poops! That's one well-rounded baby!!


And what about TugABows? That's one ding-dang bouffant!


Can I interest you in a Care Bear?


Or perhaps I can interest you in Baby Secrets?


Or a piece of Strawberry Shorcake?


Okay, now I'm not sure which is more disturbing: the My Scene Bling Blings or the army of Stepford toys and the children who loved them.

I'd like to take a crack at writing the songs for those commercials. Here's a taste:

Baby. Jangles.
She jingles and jangles all the day.
Baby. Jangles.
She jangles and jingles in the sweetest, babiest way.
Baby Jangles. And You!
5-year-old girl kissing Baby Jangles g'night: I love you, Baby Jangles.
(Announcer VO (quickly): Pony Jangles BrushAlong Playset sold separately.)

See? Easy as pie. I gotta million of 'em.

On a completely different note, I thought this was a fabulous Halloween costume:

Hi to Josh at BC/EFA who supplied me with some detective work on how to find that recording of "Colors of the Wind" I requested below. Say hi to Mr. LaTorella for me, Josh.
However, as I was doing research, superstar Brianna's email jumped into my inbox with the real deal attached. I've uploaded it to youtube (don't tell on me) for you tossers to enjoy.

Now as I hear it, this is crazy legit - there is no joke hear -- butchoo know what? I wouldn't care if it were fake because it's still an amazing vocal display. Close your eyes and let your mind paint the scene as this is audio only...


Thanks Josh and Brianna! People like you are the reason I am happy on this earth.

I just got back from the latest Gypsy of the Year and it was great fun. Rumor has it that the lady who sang the "Colors of the Wind" tune was inspired by some recording that's going around of the song. If anyone has it, you need to click on the "send fanmail" link on the "tossers" link of the homepage and get it to me. I need to hear that. All the skits were superfun. I liked seeing Little Sally and Lockstock again - always a treat. It was also fun to see [tos] director Michael B doing a skit with his Chorus Line cohorts. Some celeb spottings from where I was sitting was - Martin Short (whom I got to hang out with on Sunday after I saw Fame Becomes Me), Michael Shawn Lewis (my college pal and star of the Phantom), Mara Davi who plays Maggie to Michael's Zach in A Chorus Line, Christopher Gattelli (pal and busiest man in showbiz) and Martin Moran whose book "The Tricky Part" rocked my world this past summer ---- it should be noted that none of those people saw me today, though.

So here's a [tos] fun fact. I, Hunty, love James Bond movies. Call me a nerd, but 007 is the jam. I think it dates back to when my brother and I went to see For Your Eyes Only and Octopussy when we were probably to little to see For Your Eyes... and Octopussy. Anyway, my bro and I loved those movies. And don't get me started on the theme songs. Do yourself a favor and get the James Bond themes CD. Tom Jones...Thunderball...Shirley B singing her ass off...Moonraker?!?!? Duran Duran, Sheena Easton...the hits keep comin'. Come on people. Good stuff. Anyway, this all leads to Casino Royale. Me likey. New bond is smokin' and Dame Judi Dench always classes up the joint. So that 's my [tos] recommendation.

Signed Agent 00tos

A few days I posted a blog entry called "NYU Shows the Love" (scroll down to read it) and I received this email from my pal Steve shortly thereafter:

Hey Jeff,

As your (unofficial DC) editor, I feel compelled to point out that in the NYU blog it should be "teeth-baring" (not "teeth-bearing").

Grammatically yours,

Steve

Being panic-stricken from the error, I quickly made the change..... Not quickly enough however, as I received this email from superfan Marilyn soon after:

DEAR JEFF:

I WOULD SWEAR ON A STACK OF THINGS HOLY THAT THE LAST TIME I READ YOUR MOST RECENT BLOG ENTRY YOU USED “TEETH-BEARING” WHICH REALLY SURPRISED ME.

TODAY IT’S NOT THERE. TODAY IT’S “TEETH-BARING”. EITHER IT HAS BEEN CORRECTED OR IT’S THE END OF TIMES FOR ME. NEXT, I’LL BE HEARING THINGS.

ARE YOU BUSTED, OR AM I SEEING THINGS?

AS CHARLES MANSON SAID: AM I CRAZY OR IS IT HOT IN HERE?

So as you can see, Marilyn, to answer your question...it's just hot in here.

One thing I've been doing besides temping at Susan's office is auditioning for commercials. In the last six months I've booked one training video for an heartburn medication and gotten a callback for a cable-company voice over. Apparently I'm doing pretty well for someone new to the commercial industry. That's all well and good and I'm fine hanging in there for the sake of that illusive Coke or Tide national spot that could send my children to college, but let me just say that you end up doing some pretty weird things at these auditions.

Here's a pupu platter of tasks that I've had to complete:

Walking on a treadmill WHILE reading (poorly) handwritten 'copy' from a cue card WHILE picking up things like grocery bags and a coffee cup from a table on my left, doing 'business' with them and them setting them on a table on my right. (Don't forget about that treadmill... and I was wearing heels that day...)

Laying in a 'bed' (the floor) and snuggling with a complete stranger man who was my 'husband' while he has trouble 'sleeping'. (I never got his name...)

Open a 'refridgerator' (cardboard flap that is duct taped to a wall) and pulling out some 'custard' (old empty yogurt cup - used?) and take a big bite with a (used?) plastic spoon WHILE reading (poorly) handwritten copy that keeps getting smaller and smaller because the casting director was running out of room on the poster board and instead of starting over just wrote more and more illegibly and then he snapped at me because I couldn't read it. (That was a good one...)

And then there was yesterday, aka "Bump-With-A-Stranger Thursday". It certainly wasn't the weirdest commercial audition I've ever had, but it just reminded me how weird my life is. So I get to this audition and there were all different types of people there. Men, women, old, young, hot, character-y, black, brown, white, Asian, mom-ish (that's me) and we're all wondering what the hell is going on. (Usually you audition with women that are very much your own type or men that look like they could be married to you, so this was a break from that routine. Turns out it was a cell phone company that was looking for all these different types of people to dance together and have a big happy world party. awesome... So they called us in 5 at a time and asked us to dance together like we were at a party in one of our apartments. (I thought that was funny because I don't know about you, but I always have parties in my apartment with people that are nothing like me and we always dance like we're at our senior prom.) They put on Michael Jackson music and let us embarrass ourselves. awesome. Before I know it, this very handsome guy asks me if I wanna bump... Well Sure! Let's bump! So we bump and pretend like we're the best of friends. Yay! We're friends and we love to dance and bump! The other 3 got jealous I think because then they started bumping with each other too. (That was a really good idea apparently.) We got the whole room bumpin'. And I kept thinking to myself, "What the fuck does this have to do with cell phones?"

It's best not to ask those kinds of questions if you're going to continue to go to commercial auditions.